Insomnia
by Sabulana
Summary: [FE8] Title sucks. Artur can't sleep. Certain thoughts on a certain myrmidon are keeping him awake. JoshuaArtur, shounen ai.


Night time again, after a hard day's fighting. Normally Artur loved the night, looking up at the stars through the tent flap as he drifted off to sleep. But now he had a distraction, something which shouldn't even be distracting him in the first place.

His tent mate, Joshua.

The myrmidon seemed completely oblivious to feelings he evoked in the young monk. Frustration, longing and, though he hardly dared admit it, lust.

'Oh, Divine one, please end this torment! I should not feel this way towards another man!' Artur prayed desperately. He glanced over at Joshua, only to find red eyes staring back at him in the darkness.

"Something on your mind?" Joshua asked.

Artur sighed. "It…it's nothing," he replied. He looked back up at the stars. "Do you ever feel…wrong?"

"Wrong? What do you mean?" Joshua asked, sitting up.

"Like…like, there's something wrong wit the way you are," Artur tried to explain. He wished Joshua would move further away and stop looking at him. It was making it hard to concentrate.

"I have my vices, if that's what you mean. You know I like gambling, perhaps a little too much," replied Joshua. Artur could almost hear his smile.

"That isn't…quite what I mean," the monk replied. "There's…something wrong with me. And I can't stop it or change it."

Joshua came closer, leaning over Artur to look into his eyes. The monk could see the concern in his friend's features.

"Artur, tell me exactly what's wrong," the myrmidon said seriously.

Artur gulped nervously. This was the part he'd been dreading would come. "Look, just forget about I and go to sleep," he said.

"Oh, no, you're not getting out of this so easily!" Joshua protested.

Artur tried to turn away but Joshua grabbed his shoulders and pinned him down.

"Tell me what's going on, Artur!"

At first, Artur thought to lie or make an excuse, but one look in the myrmidon's eyes was enough to change his mind.

"I…have feelings for someone I shouldn't," he said with a sigh of defeat.

"Feelings? Who for?" Joshua asked.

"…I don't want to say." Artur said. "I should never have brought it up."

"Artur, if you tell me, then maybe I can help," Joshua said. "At least, telling someone should make you feel better. Someone who can help you carry this burden."

To his surprise and dismay, the monk began crying softly. "Joshua…you just…don't understand," Artur replied. "These feelings… They are not for a woman. They're for another man!" He closed his eyes so as not to see the disgust and hatred in the other's eyes.

"Artur…"

"…You must hate me now…" Artur began. "I'll leave, if that's what you want me to do."

"No, I don't want you to leave," Joshua replied. "I want you to open your eye and look at me."

Artur did as he was told, barely believing his ears. He stared upwards into Joshua's beautiful red eyes.

"Artur, I do not believe that love can be wrong. Love is a beautiful thing and should be cherished and shared," Joshua began. "If you love a man, then that is right for you. And if it's thoughts of the Divine making you afraid of your feelings, then think: if love is beautiful, then wouldn't the Divine approve?"

"Men were not meant to love men," Artur replied sorrowfully.

"If you are in love with another man, and that man returns those feelings, then doesn't that mean you are right for each other? For the time being, at least?" Joshua asked.

"But… I don't know how this other man feels about me. I mean…I know he cares. He's shown it a few times. But…if he finds out the depth of my feelings for him, he might get scared and never talk to me again," Artur said.

Joshua sighed and stopped pinning the monk down. "Anybody would be lucky to have you as a friend, Artur, and if you love them and they hate you for it, they are foolish for not realising how lucky they are."

"Do you…mean that?" Artur asked. He felt a bubble of hope rising in his chest, which he tried to quell before it burst.

Joshua nodded. "Yeah, I mean it." He flashed a quick smile at Artur. "So… Are you going to tell me who it is? Maybe I can help."

Artur sat up. "Well…I wasn't going to say… But you've given me hope, Joshua."

"Well?" Joshua encouraged.

"I—Uh…well… It's… It's you, Joshua. I love you." Artur looked him, eyes full of hope and fear.

"Artur…" Joshua gasped. He gave Artur a wide smile and pulled the monk into his arms. "I love you too," he whispered. "I have for a while now but I never thought you would return my feelings!"

"Joshua…"

They clung to each other in the darkness, as though trying to absorb each other so as never to be parted. Joshua was the first to pull away and loosen his grip. He looked into Artur's brown eyes full of love and joy.

Tentatively, they brought their heads together, lips meeting in a chaste first kiss.

* * *

A/N: I had no idea how to end this without it turning into bad smut. Really bad, OOC smut. /shudders/ So we end on a kiss. XD 

...And now that I've reread it, it seems really eally bad...

Review?


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